Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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