this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
