If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my being single is dangerous.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
