problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
