Jerry, you need to find god
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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