Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
