After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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