We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
