garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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