I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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