she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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