there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
