Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
