Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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