if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I will be naked everywhere
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
