first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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