she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
