They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
