My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
