My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
