I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
