A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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