Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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