If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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