i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I got inside last night via doggy door
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
