people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
