I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
