Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
