before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
