Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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