Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
