perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
