she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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