can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
