mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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