Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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