I can text with my tongue
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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