I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
