Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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