why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
