so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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