I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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