Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
