We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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