It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am one with the molecules
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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