just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
