Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she smelled like a LAN party
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
