tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
