new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
