Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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