He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
