I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
