So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
