I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
