He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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