I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
