I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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