My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
