I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
