Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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