I wish you could order shots online.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
