remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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