i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
