Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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